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What Do Women Want From Men?

Yesterday I was invited to give a Tantra workshop as part of a bachelorette celebration evening. It was incredibly fun, uplifting and celebratory.

I was stunned to see how hungry for real knowledge these women were.

They were surprised to hear that they could actually ask men for what they wanted in a kind and supportive way, thanking them for their willingness to do so. When they got what they wanted it’s really affirming and sexy to let men know enthusiastically how great it is.

They did not realize that men are actually happy to give them what they want because then they do not have to guess if a woman is actually enjoying it or not – waiting and wondering until they see affirming signs. Men love to give pleasure to their women and like to know when they succeed. It’s a big part of how men show they love their woman.

The women attending this workshop said unanimously that what they desire the most is sex that starts with looking into each other’s eyes and kissing. They all desired longer, varied foreplay. Some of them said they wanted intercourse to last longer, too. The majority would be happy with half an hour.

Most women agreed that they preferred slower and deeper touch. About half of them wanted a mixture of water and fire touch. They were happy to know that now they could explain to their lover which one of those approaches they liked more.

Here are some comments from the women in the group (with names changed to protect their privacy):

  • Alison would love her man to learn how she wants to be touched in a way that brings her to orgasm by watching her pleasure herself.
  • Joanna said that she wishes her husband would learn the water touch because the soft fire touch made her feel ticklish instead of sexually excited.
  • Rosy said she wanted to feel admired and know that he was really into her more than into any other woman he ever made love to. That turns her on more than anything.

Regina wanted to know how to do oral sex so well that her man would be crazy about her. She was surprised to hear that men love when the woman enjoys doing it. That when a woman puts herself into it fully, body and soul, not just a mouth going up and down, all the techniques would work!

She called me today, thrilled that her man told her it was the best experience he ever had! She did not need feel it was a ‘job’ at all. It was pleasurable to her as well as to him. She did not want to stop other than to allow him to cool off a little.

She said that Tantra is right on target to call it “honoring the lingam”. Yes, she was honoring his man’s phallic symbol, making love to his male essence sending her sensual, sexual, emotional and spiritual energy into the whole man. She would look up to see his facial expression and his eyes. During those moment both pleasure and intimacy increased and she felt devotional and hot at the same time.

I feel so touched by the real openness of these women to understand men, to ask for what they want, and to give them what they want as well.


Would you like to feel the same confidence and clarity to ask for what you want from your man?

Join me for my next women-only workshop in New York:     Own Your Power in the Bedroom


{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Heather Bostian. LMT, RYT September 21, 2010, 12:17 pm

    Its been my experience that when a person is truly present with another , in the moment with no laundry lists of what to do next, what to eat next..whatever..sex and any shared moments are way better. Otherwise one feels cheated ..so your there with someone anyway, you can;t go anywhere else at that moment.. so BE there 100%. That’s why hookers get paid, they are 100% there for the $$$$, makes cents to me !
    So what does a wife get out of it ?? Maybe , its that God like share with another human connecting to all other spaces and places on earth, an expansion of self into bigger than the little bubble of the sea. Being in vastness is the the high for, and it does not take two bodies to do it ….but sometimes its nicer to share it. Oh guess that means, self responsibility for one’s own pleasure , health and for all else too !

  • CarlaTara October 2, 2010, 12:42 am

    Thank you for asking. The water touch is more fluid and continuous than the usual soft “fire touch” usually given by using the finger tips and titillating some areas of the body.

    The water touch is usually given using the full hand: palm, and fingers equally.
    Like water, it does not skip anything. It touches every nooks and crannies of the body and is both calming and opening to deeper areas of intimacy. The woman never gets tired of the water touch if given at different depth. Ask your woman how she likes it. Many complain that the too soft finger-tip touch makes them ticklish.