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Tips on Tantric Lovemaking

Tantric lovemaking is not only about having hours of intercourse. A tantric connection includes the seduction, the intimacy building, the eye gazing, the erotic energy exchange, the touching, the kissing, the honoring of each other’s body, the intercourse and the afterglow… and each part can take a long time depending how creative you are willing or in the mood to be.

It’s important to know that you can stop this connection at any time and yet feel relaxed and fulfilled because you did not have a goal to “come”; the desire was to connect and to exchange energy in a conscious way, which is always very sexy and uplifting. 

This is possible because Tantra does not have a goal. Just because you start making love, you don’t have to end in ejaculatory orgasm, although you can have several body orgasms while being together.

You could start your play that precedes the more intimate play of love anywhere, perhaps even in a restaurant looking into each other with eyes burning with desire, opening sexily the top button of your shirt while gently caressing the uncovered skin. Touching each other’s hands while your heart is swelling with love; appreciating the presentation of the platter of food that you chose; being aware of every explosion of taste in your mouth and expressing it with soft appreciative sounds “yum..yum”. Perhaps even implying that the second dessert is going to be at home…

You might stop on the way home to buy colorful flowers to adorn your room, or very ripe fruit that you are going to feed each other during a special intimate time. Smelling both the flowers and the fruit, anticipating the incredible delight they will bring to you at the right time during the lovemaking; a sort of a sweet communion.

At home, you might give each other a long sensuous hug and a kiss and start preparing the room for a romantic encounter: candles, flowers, your favorite music that you have already chosen to put on your “lovemaking” play list, sexy clothing…

Then you might want to do a bathing ritual to prepare your body for love. You could wash each other’s hair, one at a time, being fully present in the role of giving or receiving; really give each other this present of attention and nurturing.

You have just started a lovemaking session that could last as long as you keep your focused awareness on each other and communicate caring and love either silently through looks, sensuous touch, sexy sounds and body undulations or with words expressing what you feel about your lover.

You dance together feeling the heat building up from the movement of your hips in unison with the music you both love and your adoration of each other’s body.

You have not yet started the lovemaking session as most non-tantric people imagine it to be (tantric sex), and yet you have already built up a great erotic charge that will bring the “actual intercourse lovemaking” to another dimension. The more you prepare, the higher you can go into ecstasy.

Tantric lovemaking does not have a goal of how the love session has to end. You are constantly tuning into the moment and discovering where the energy will take you. You will be very positively surprised about how controlling the ejaculation with Tantric tools can tremendously increase the pleasure in your body.

Avoiding set patterns of lovemaking is essential. Habits kill the freshness and passion of lovemaking.

Remember that after you have started the actual intercourse you can stop at anytime and look into each other’s eyes and share the enchantment you are feeling.

In Tantra we can choose to build up to a very high orgasm. You can stop several times along the way to the highest Mountain; you can choose to enjoy resting in each other’s arms in each of the many valleys before reaching the top, each time spreading the energy built up so far into all the cells of the body. This could take some time.

Taking time to feed each other and resting in conscious embraces is very much part of Tantra as well.

I recommend you don’t do Tantra with a watch on. Let the love carry you through and if you fall asleep then you were listening to your body’s need for rest and respecting it. That is Tantra, too. Relax and reconnect when you wake up! Enjoy each other’s presence without distractions. That is the essence of Tantra.

{ 30 comments… add one }
  • sufi April 11, 2009, 8:48 am

    786… i have been a long time student and practitioner of the art of tantra. this is an excellent site and post. love and light—sufi

  • pranmitra May 6, 2009, 11:59 pm

    would like learn more in details
    about my giving love to my love

  • KrisBelucci June 2, 2009, 2:06 am

    Hi, cool post. I have been wondering about this topic,so thanks for writing.

  • Dave June 2, 2009, 10:40 am

    There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also.

  • AndrewBoldman June 4, 2009, 11:41 am

    Hi, good post. I have been woondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.

  • Helene and Mark June 27, 2009, 1:58 pm

    Carla is the greatest Tantra Coach/Teacher in America. We have known her for 4 plus years and she will make you free safe and secure. If you are sitting on the fence and not sure how to get started on improving your relationship, Carla is the place to start. She is not a sex worker, she is your personal therapist. We love you Carla.

  • Seember October 29, 2009, 12:49 pm

    I like…i need more of this and less routine; thank you

  • kaman sutrar November 21, 2009, 8:40 am

    Great blog!!! Very informative and inciteful. Excellent!!!

  • Linda Mirano November 21, 2009, 4:23 pm

    Aw, this was a high quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this too – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to get something done.

  • Marion Brake November 29, 2009, 7:07 am

    Doesn’t it take up a lot of time to keep your blog so interesting ?

  • Carla Tara December 3, 2009, 7:34 am

    Hi Marion,

    Thank you for the compliment.

    Yes, I spend time everyday writing for my blog and answering questions from email and on my Facebook page.

    My greatest joy is helping people discover their great sexual potential. Although it took me several years to find Tantra, I felt called to be a healer as a young woman, and I feel blessed to have a gift that helps others, and so the time I spend on my blog just feels like an extension of my practice. Using the technology just lets me help more people who may not be able to travel to me for a private session.

    Thank you for visiting the website, and I hope you continue to find it helpful and inspiring.


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  • lotuspearl88 December 7, 2011, 11:25 pm

    Great article. Thank you for expanding the beautiful, spiritual and sensual side of Tantric love beyond shallow marathon sex.

  • Tantric Paradise November 27, 2012, 4:53 pm

    Amazing blog, useful info. thank you

  • Virginia March 12, 2013, 12:56 pm

    My lover and I are in our mid 70s and met back in 1976. We had a wild affair for a few years and then have been platonic friends since, but I have continued to want only him (after a few tries to replace him back in the 80s). I since moved from the Chicago area to Phoenix AZ; I had to return to his area last year for my daughter’s 3rd wedding (July 2012) and he suggested that I stay with him and I did, but suggested a lubricant as I had just read about it and could not add to my carry-on ;-D I guess that was enough of a hint, as satin sheets, flowers and a table set for cocktails awaited me (as well as a lovely bubble bath to break the ice). He is somewhat perturbed by the fact that I want him every time we are close, as I explained there has been no one in my life for decades (except my birds). I am very good at fantasizing and pleasured myself with thoughts of him as his body is very beautiful to me. I know that we have more to learn and this is a good time for me to work on improving there as my new Holistic doctor has put me on an almost entirely vegan diet (and he has expressed willingness to join me in that, although his BP is normal. Mine has been high in the last few years since I noticed, though I had no other symptoms of illness. When we were together that first month-long visit, we made love every evening (except for 2 when I was at homes of 2 of my children) and many mornings as well. Neither of us used any medications at the time (except vitamins) and that lubricant. I want him to know that I will always desire him, but do not always need actual sex acts to achieve satisfaction. I don’t want him to feel the pressure of performance (as I think he did when I just wanted to be naked with him when he had a really bad cold as he did for my next trip in December).

  • CarlaTara July 2, 2013, 9:17 am


    Virginia, it sounds like you and your lover are having an amazing time together. Such wonderful energy and exchange – you just prove that we are never too old to experience love and passion.

  • RK Sangha August 7, 2013, 8:06 am

    Love making is basic need of a couple ‘ and Tantra is an ultimate guide to it
    Thanks for good articles on Tantra.