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The Tantric Secret – Simpler Than You Think

The Tantric secret to obtaining the highest orgasm and deepening love is very natural and very simple: pay attention to your lover.

Men are usually faster than women getting to places where they are tempted to ejaculate so I will concentrate on guiding men. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, this is for you, too.

For men, your woman’s breathing is the most essential guide that will tell you where your woman is in her process of getting turned. She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing becomes deep and she makes sounds of pleasure, you know she’s there with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is.

The breath is the most important telltale sign to guide you to her state of arousal. If she’s suspending her breath, that is she starts holding her breath –making her inhalation and exhalation irregular– that could mean her thinking is taking her away from the moment, away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, but you don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is.

When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then it is wise to invite her attention to the moment by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.”

Or if your wife is in her menopausal or post menopausal years and starts feeling low self-esteem, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!”

Comments like this will definitely get her attention back whatever you do, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. As the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her.
A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart.

As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!” Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body.

Tantric sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, and surfing the waves of pleasure together. Enjoy!

Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.

{ 9 comments… add one }
  • Dr. Erica Goodstone August 20, 2010, 10:42 pm

    You have explained this common male-female sexual dilemma so clearly. Men often go for the jugular, that is, they go for the erogenous zones (breasts, yoni, lips) without paying attention to the woman’s breathing. If she is holding her breath and thinking, often about her own insecurities or body image concerns, then no matter how loving his touch, she will not be able to feel the sensations. If he captures her gaze and tells her something loving and helps her to breathe more easily, she will be so much more receptive to his sexual advances. It is really quite simple.

  • google referencer un site July 26, 2013, 4:31 pm

    Very good information. Lucky me I recently found your blog
    by chance (stumbleupon). I’ve saved it for later!

  • CarlaTara July 30, 2013, 8:48 am

    Thank you very much – I hope you to see you here again!

  • bubun April 12, 2015, 4:35 am

    Carla, thanx for being a fantastic guide.

  • Carla Tara April 13, 2015, 2:13 pm

    You are so welcome! I am glad to be of help in any way.

  • wayne June 30, 2015, 6:03 am

    Your recommendations are well received. I am not familiar with synchronized breathing techniques but I do pay attention in my lovemaking and am absolutely in no rush to get to the finish line. Ive always liked connecting to my lover and loving with feeling as opposed to just two pieces of meat coming together for the thrill of it. I like connecting to my partner and prefer for that to be a two way street. Remember we are all human and men need that caring affectionate energy too. It elevates the experience for both. When feelings are involved it pervades the whole body but reaches its heights in the genitals where performance is enhanced because of it. Just want to commend you fir your excellent instruction. It can only help all of us rise to improved sexual experiences. Thank you for sharing your wisdom

  • Carla Tara July 3, 2015, 2:18 pm

    Wayne, it sounds like you are a conscious lover – engaging with your partner at the heart level, not just the lingam level. I encourage you to keep learning and going deeper. You will be amazed at the bliss you experience.

  • Carla Tara January 25, 2017, 3:25 pm

    Wonderful! I’m glad you are finding the information useful. If you have any questions, you can email me at carla@1tantra.com. If you are ready for your one-on-one tantra session, schedule here: https://squareup.com/appointments/book/b1c93448-38d8-4a2f-a0b5-6ff4bff41d48/BS6KV1B4Y8J85/services