This thanksgiving holiday, I’m inviting you to give thanks for your ability to get out of your head into your body!
Getting out of one’s head is essential to reach really satisfactory sex and deeper connection. As you know, the thoughts you have, even if they are positive, cannot be sustained for long. Advertising agencies and the creators of commercials know that the attention span of most people is about 16 to 30 seconds. That’s not nearly enough time to get you really turned-on when you are focusing your mind on pleasurable sensations.
Tantra gives us many tools to reach the level of focus you need to become the ultimate lover. Your mind can leave you alone when you are already turned on, but to get there you have to train your mind to focus on the present. Thoughts are our inner chatter that is mostly distracting you from pleasure. Tantra reveals that the best results come from conscious breathing and focusing your attention on the interconnection between breath and sensations.
Even talking to give unnecessary directions to your lover can be distracting; getting out of your head into your body produces a deeper connection and better sex without a lot of talk. Some of you might say: “But aren’t we supposed to talk about what we like and dislike?” Yes, at the beginning of a relationship it is extremely important to reveal your sensitivity and what turns you on. Just as we all have different fingerprints, we also all have subtly different body language. At the beginning of a relationship especially, it’s good to check in with your lover to know if you are interpreting their body language correctly.
Asking questions about your lover’s preferences is also good in relationships where body language was never paid attention to before, and as a result, the couple’s sexual satisfaction had been suffering. It’s good to start learning about each other as soon as you realize you do not know much about your lover’s sexual preferences and desires. Talking in this case can be essential to a fulfilling sexual relationship.
However, after you have been together for a while and you understand each other’s body language, too much talking can interfere with experiencing a high level connection and great, sustained body orgasms. Body language, that is, the eye expression, the smile, the depth of the breath, the embrace, the voice, the response of the skin when touched reveal more than any words can. In fact, 65% of all communication is non-verbal.
There are always exceptions, of course, for instance in cases where you lose focus and are distracted by thoughts. In those moments, to get you back on track, asking your lover what they want can become essential. Those of you who have taken a class with me, or read my Secrets of the Ocean Breath book, know that I teach this as a technique when you feel your lover not being present. When your lover is distracted by the chatter of their thoughts and NOT in their body, your words interrupts the chatter – and you can both concentrate on your bodies again. As you practice your focus more, you will not need these techniques as you learn to flow naturally with your sensation, and your lover’s body language.
Tantra is the most complete body of knowledge that can guide you to discovering how much and how long you can stay focused on the highest sensations without being overwhelmed by them, but rather stay present and relaxed as you are building higher and higher sexual/emotional/spiritual energy that will take you both to longer body orgasms and deeper soul connection.
So, take some time this holiday to really indulge your higher, sexual, sacred self – and then you can reflect in gratefulness and satisfaction on the wonderful gift of sensation and bliss our bodies can give us.