There is a certain embarrassment or even shame that is connected with sexual dysfunction. No one would be ashamed to have, for example, a liver or heart dysfunction. One would be sad but not embarrassed and one would immediately ask a professional for help.
The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions. Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.
There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.
The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.
There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.
What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.
Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller. The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.
To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.
However, many of the sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional issues, entrenchment into set habits, undelivered communications and resentments that could build a cold wall between couples and unconscious issues coming to the surface. A good Tantric Healer can help you look at those issues with increased energy and guide you to use this powerful Tantric tools to open up blocks and take care of unfinished issues that limit the joy of our lovemaking.
Lots of issues have been repressed and feeling rationalized instead of felt. When emotions are not expressed, blocks to the flow of energy form along the pathway where erotic energy would otherwise flow to the whole body. When blocks are present your vitality is lower and sex becomes more a “squeeze and burst” event, at best a letting go of tension instead of an exchange to deepen your love for each other.
Some men have trained themselves with techniques to “making her come” the fastest way possible so that they can “come” thus missing the opportunity for emotional connection and really fulfilling lovemaking. This way of having sex gives leaves you with a sense of immediate relief but robs you of the opportunity to use this powerful energy for deep heart connection and nurturing. Thus lovers are depriving themselves of deeper and longer pleasure that could enliven all the cells of the body. Making love could be the greatest way to “make love” grow and to live a longer, happier life.
Deep breathing helps bring emotions to the surface. “E-motion” means energy in motion. When emotions are felt sexual energy can reach higher levels riding higher and wider waives sending into ecstatic lovemaking that is really fulfilling. Sex without emotions leaves people tired, empty and sometimes sad. We instinctively know there is more to it.
Deep breathing is also a key to avoiding anxiety about performance. When your whole body tingles with aliveness and when you hear our lover breathe equally deeply, perhaps even making a sound on each exhalation, you are less prone to thinking about performance and more about riding the waves of pleasure a little longer.
Tantra offers the view that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and as such we have infinite potential for expressing love. By adding the spiritual dimension into the lovemaking it elevates it to ecstasy and adds opens doors for infinite creativity.
As spiritual beings we have infinite potential available and therefore boredom is no longer a danger.