Just a few days ago in NYC we went through a powerful hurricane that we never imagined would hit the city so vehemently. All of us were feeling powerless against it; no amount of money or political influence could make it change its course.
All you could do was just watch it from a window, in awe of the power of the wind that could eradicate trees and push the water of the nearby river nine feet above the highway.
I was grateful to be safe in my house, but I was witnessing a storm of feelings inside of me. The hurricane became for me a metaphor for the anger that something needs to flare up in order to restore newness in one’s relationship.
Tantra is not about being sweet all the time; tantra is about being real. If sweetness is superimposed over unresolved emotions it’s a hurricane in the making.
You can look into each other’s eyes and paint a smile on your face, but if you are not real, no Tantric techniques will work to take you beyond your ego into the oneness that cannot be explained, because it’s beyond words. It’s an awesome connection that binds you and takes you beyond your personality into a much bigger energy.
My work with couples allows me to witness what happens to a person who has seemingly lost his or her spark. Let’s take a woman who has been rewarded by her father for being a ‘good girl’, being pretty and smiling a lot. Of course she has felt anger and sadness at times also – those emotions are part of life – but if she wanted the approval of her father, she had to keep those feelings in and hidden.
The girl grows up thinking that she has to show the man she falls in love with the feelings her father approved of. Being a good girl is not sexy. Sex includes all our feelings. However, since she has only one polarity of life, she can not feel the fullness of life, including her sexuality.
When she finally recognizes what she has been missing, she explodes. The anger that she feels can scare a man who was used to having a meek and sexless spouse. A raging woman is very similar to a hurricane, and can be as scary and destructive.
The good new is that men do not have to be powerless when the hurricane comes. Tantra teaches them how to stay open in their heart and keep sending their woman the love she needs to feel safe to be herself: both the good and the bad girl. They know that great sex happens when the woman can trust her man fully to embrace all of who she is.
If he stays in his full power with an open heart, the storm passes not only without any damage, but with the results of a more complete love that includes the sexual spark we are all longing for.
Having the hurricane with its devastation reminded me of the hurricane that hit my life. I found out my husband of 32 years had two affairs one was on and off for ten years the other was physical for 2 years and emotional( phone contact only) for another 3 years. All the while pretending our marriage was what he wanted. It’s now been 3 years of lots of therapy , my husband kept saying he wanted excitement and got caught up in it. I am having a hard time processing that! We have gone for several tantra sessions over the last 6 years( yes during the last affair). How could your yantra session be different for us. I am 56 and he is 59. We have a family business and work together although now I only work 2 days a week. To have an open heart as you say, trust needs to be there. That’s where I fall apart. We have always had a great sex life in all of our 36 years together,( including dating ). Explain to me how we can move past this before I commit to another tanta with you ,please. Thank you
My work with couples allows me to witness what happens to a person who has seemingly lost his or her spark. Let’s take a woman who has been rewarded by her father for being a ‘good girl’, being pretty and smiling a lot. Of course she has felt anger and sadness at times also – those emotions are part of life – but if she wanted the approval of her father, she had to keep those feelings in and hidden.
for the woman, including stress-reduction. When the woman has suffered through a long day of work and needs a way to unwind, there is no better way than this. Through the erotic massage, stress can decrease greatly and feelings of well-being and pleasure will overwhelm the body. As many doctors will tell you, this is a great way to help heal the body as the human body heals much better when it is happy, rather than depressed, stressed or sad.
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