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Romance Isn’t Love

Romantic gifts don't replace true love connection.Valentine’s Day is a day that makes lovers aware of the opportunity to celebrate their love for each other. It’s fun and it creates enough heat to interrupt the cold of the winter.

On Valentine’s day lovers go out of their way to buy presents for each other, or at least the traditional chocolate and/or flowers. Some more adventurous lovers take a vacation together to create more time with each other in a different, often more romantic environment.

Studies show that a change of environment provides newness and diversity, which tend to stimulate romantic sentiments. But romance is not love. Believing that love equals romance leaves many people disconnected and lonely, and the lucky ones who have a lover waiting for the elusive romance to prove they are loved.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a leading researcher of positive emotions at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, offers scientific evidence that the thousands of year old Tantric body of knowledge has known. I’m glad that science is now catching up with proving what Tantra had been teaching.
According to this scientific research, love is a connection, characterized by a flood of positive emotions, which you share with another person.

Love is not caused by wishful thinking, projections, or romantic fantasies. Love is felt in the body when you feel a warm heart-opening, a buzz of tenderness and passion. When it happens you transmit that to the person who resonates with the same ‘buzz’. Tantra says it cat be transmitted in many ways, including with our eyes, your sincerely felt words, your touch… or even with silent presence.

According to Dr. Fredrickson, this is what happens in the body when you love: the powerfully bonding hormone called Oxytocin floods your body with a warm feeling of love that cannot be produced just by imagination or fantasizing: it can be produced only when there is a connection between two people. Then positive resonance goes back and forth as if in a dance.

Tantra says Love is an unhindered, spontaneous dance between the masculine and the feminine energy (Shiva and Shakti)

Oxytoxin facilitates the calm-and-connect system, which is produced in higher quantities during sex has the the opposite effect of fight-and-flight system: it calms the body and opens it up to bond in more trust and love.

There is another very important element for love to happen: the vagus nerve, which connects your brain to your heart. It creates a love tone, called the “vagal tone” which can be measured by assessing the combined heart and breath.

The feeling of love produces hormones that reduce stress, increase circulation. Love is important to keep us healthy. In fact even science is starting to prove that love is a potent medicine… and it has no counter-indications!!!!

Tantra understands and teaches how to create and sustain the connection between breath, heart and sex centered in a way that still needs to be proven by science.

The lovers who want to bring their own level of passion to a higher, more sustainable level choose to study and experience Tantra. They usually study with a teacher who helps them bring home techniques to find and sustain an increased emotional depth and superior passion.

If you are ready to bring more passion to your life and your loving, contact me today to arrange your private tantra coaching session or sign up for one of my workshops.

{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Rob Mcdaniel June 22, 2013, 12:57 am

    Instead her perception of love is the reinforcement of positive emotions, how those are interpreted by the body as love , and the physical effects thereof.

  • silver price June 28, 2013, 10:18 pm

    The mechanisms underlying the association between positive emotions and physical health remain a mystery. We hypothesize that an upward-spiral dynamic continually reinforces the tie between positive emotions and physical health and that this spiral is mediated by people’s perceptions of their positive social connections. We tested this overarching hypothesis in a longitudinal field experiment in which participants were randomly assigned to an intervention group that self-generated positive emotions via loving-kindness meditation or to a waiting-list control group. Participants in the intervention group increased in positive emotions relative to those in the control group, an effect moderated by baseline vagal tone, a proxy index of physical health. Increased positive emotions, in turn, produced increases in vagal tone, an effect mediated by increased perceptions of social connections. This experimental evidence identifies one mechanism-perceptions of social connections-through which positive emotions build physical health, indexed as vagal tone. Results suggest that positive emotions, positive social connections, and physical health influence one another in a self-sustaining upward-spiral dynamic.

  • Roman Y. Garrett June 29, 2013, 12:52 am

    We live in a society of addiction. Fake desires are created and pushed on us in the guise of spiritual or self-improvement ideals and we do not learn to recognize or act on our real desires. Trying to be something you are not is the cause of human suffering. This is addiction. The most famous of us and everyone else, from the ultimate pop star to a homeless person, we are trying to get somewhere as if we are not already the unadorned marvel of life. The solutions to our plight are usually more of the same, one stronger pill after the other, one exaggeration after the next, as despair increases. Society is on trial. We do not know how to care for even our great artists! We must intervene with our friends and family and let them feel the love that beats their own heart, as life intends. Enable them to find the peace in their connections and directions that work for them. Starting with body and breath! Life is perfection but how we live has been a crippling compromise. All over the world people are claiming their own life and shrugging off oppressive power structures of every kind. It is a wonderful turn around. Now, let’s really give them their own life. If we are seeking, really what is going on is pain. It is better to soberly recognize pain, be with it and let it do its healing work, rather than the unconscious search. That takes honesty but it is easier than the search. We come to a clear choice of choosing the inherent intelligence of the body or seeking. The intelligence no one can give you ar take away from you.

  • Grover A. Caldwell July 2, 2013, 4:17 am

    We live in a society of addiction. Fake desires are created and pushed on us in the guise of spiritual or self-improvement ideals and we do not learn to recognize or act on our real desires. Trying to be something you are not is the cause of human suffering. This is addiction. The most famous of us and everyone else, from the ultimate pop star to a homeless person, we are trying to get somewhere as if we are not already the unadorned marvel of life. The solutions to our plight are usually more of the same, one stronger pill after the other, one exaggeration after the next, as despair increases. Society is on trial. We do not know how to care for even our great artists! We must intervene with our friends and family and let them feel the love that beats their own heart, as life intends. Enable them to find the peace in their connections and directions that work for them. Starting with body and breath! Life is perfection but how we live has been a crippling compromise. All over the world people are claiming their own life and shrugging off oppressive power structures of every kind. It is a wonderful turn around. Now, let’s really give them their own life. If we are seeking, really what is going on is pain. It is better to soberly recognize pain, be with it and let it do its healing work, rather than the unconscious search. That takes honesty but it is easier than the search. We come to a clear choice of choosing the inherent intelligence of the body or seeking. The intelligence no one can give you ar take away from you.