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Loving Your Imperfections

The importance of positive body image“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”  ~ Marilyn Monroe

Can you imagine how boring the world would be if we all looked alike, even if we were all perfectly beautiful?

Can you be seductive even when you don’t have the perfect ‘beauty pageant’ body?

Are you comfortable being sexy with your lover even though your thighs are “too flabby” and your breasts aren’t high and perky anymore? 

Can you even imagine that he might like your thighs and your breasts just the way they are?

If you answered no to any of these questions, you may be struggling against the brain-washing of a world that is always teaching women to judge our bodies against impossible standards.

When we internalize critical judgements about our bodies and our looks, we build a wall between us and pleasure.  

And the “imperfections” in our bodies aren’t really that – they are differences. The same differences that make us unique and special and interesting.  Freckles and beauty marks. Big bouncy bosoms or small perky breasts. Squeezable womanly thighs, or slim boyish hips.   Lush manes or a spiky buzz, or a soft cushion of curly hair, or sleek orderly corn rows.

Our bodies don’t have to be perfect to enjoy sensation, feel pleasure, experience satisfaction and bliss.  We just need to love and accept our bodies in their unique glory, and all the world of pleasure opens up for us.

How does loving your differences affect your sex life?

Let me tell you about my client, Grace. 

When Grace first came to me for coaching, she told me that she always avoided the woman-on-top position during sex because her belly and breasts were not firm enough, and she was afraid her boyfriend would be turned off.  She felt that she had let herself go after she had her baby.   And now, she wasn’t enjoying sex as much, because when she used to be on top, she was able to control the movement and pace of their lovemaking, and that gave her the best orgasms.  Her own judgements about her body were getting in the way of great sex with her boyfriend.

Thankfully, after we worked on how her beliefs influenced her behavior, she changed her mind. She started to practice imagining that the movement of her flesh was actually a turn-on for her boyfriend. 

And guess what happened?

In a short time, she started to enjoy being on top again and started to have incredible, powerful orgasms.   Her boyfriend was ecstatic.   She was relaxed enough to observe that her boyfriend actually enjoyed her sexiness no matter what position they were in.  She actually became multi-orgasmic.

She hadn’t changed anything about her looks – she just changed how she was judging herself.

Her self-esteem as a lover rose, and then she decided that she did want to firm up, because she realized she felt better and had more energy if her body was fit and strong.   She joined a gym, and within 6 months Grace achieved the look she had had when she was first married. She “looked” sexier on the outside.

However, to her surprise her pleasure in sex did not change.  Her pleasure and enjoyment of sex was never about her outside.

And it’s important to understand that the change she did make about her fitness level came out of self-love, not out of having a body that looked a certain way.

Being healthy and well toned is definitely a plus, but you do not have to wait to be a certain way in order to enjoy sex.

In fact, most men love the passion and abandon a self-confident woman experiences in their presence, and often are much less critical about a woman’s physical imperfections than most women are when they look at themselves in the mirror.

Are you having trouble reaching that state of satisfaction and acceptance of your body?

Would you like help crossing the gap between how you look and how you want to feel?

I can help!

Join me for my next women’s workshop and share an evening of joy and self-discovery with a group of like-minded women in a comfortable safe space.

Or contact me for a quick discovery call to see if private coaching is best for you

 

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Joy October 17, 2013, 4:28 am

    If everyone would be perfect that would be horrible!

  • Joy November 21, 2013, 8:15 am

    The idea behind sensual massage is that you are giving pleasure through touch to your partner.

  • arthur March 4, 2014, 5:25 pm

    Excellent article Carla, thank you.