A woman in her 30’s came to see me because she wanted help in finding someone special in her life. Perhaps Tantra would help?
She had the right idea. Tantra helps because it requires self-love before you can really merge into love with another.
However, when I started talking about self-love she got really upset. “How can you do it? I hate my looks and I hate my stubbornness. I thought you could teach me some Tantric tricks so I can win him over.”
Tantric techniques only work well when you come from self-love. Because, they are not actually tricks. You cannot trick anyone, really.
The essence of Tantra is Self-knowledge. That means know that you are Spirit in a physical body. As such, the first step toward the merging of the two is to love our body as it is and keep it in the best healthy shape, and health as possible.
What about our minds?
We have all picked up different beliefs and built attitudes out of our experiences. Some of them are supportive of our happiness and some are not.
What should we do with the non-supportive attitudes?
The first step is to acknowledge the beliefs that underlie your thinking and actions.
However, self-examination is not as easy as looking into your closet and acknowledging what’s there. That’s because we have an EGO that wants us to be already perfect. Your ego is going to bring up all sorts of resistance to doing it.
I remember how much I resisted seeing certain parts of myself I was ashamed of. Before I could see all that is inside of me it took the help of a Coach who was there for me to keep the space of compassion when shame and guilt came up.
Then congratulate yourself for every little advancement you are making, and honor yourself, especially for having decided start the journey of self-knowledge.
After that, the next level is to transform or update the beliefs you absorbed along your way, and especially in childhood.
It’s a journey that assures you freedom from your critical mind, taking joy in being on the path.
Then it’s easy to love another and to accept their love on a deep level. If you acknowledge everything consciously, there is no reason for the unconscious to project it out.
This is the essential preparation for a complete, ecstatic Tantric experience.