Sherry told me that she feels selfish when she just receives the pleasure that her lover gives her. So, in order to overcome her uncomfortable feelings, she always starts touching him back during foreplay.
When both partners touch each other simultaneously, both have to split their focus instead of being fully present as the giver or the receiver. This is not necessarily a problem – there are times when you might be looking for a sensation of partially focusing on yourself and partially on your partner.
But if you never have a sexual encounter where you are fully present, as giver or as receiver, you are never stepping into the full sensation of pleasure or connection with your lover.
For Sherry, this means she’s not able to surrender to the pure enjoyment and allow each cell to open up to the pleasure of receiving. When that happens in a woman, her man feels like a winner because he sees that you are enjoying the gift he is giving you.
When a man is concentrating in giving sensuous touch to his lover, he’s fully present in the giving and he gets high from her receiving. Her body is showing her pleasure to him by the quality of her breath, the undulating movements of her body, and the sexy sounds she makes.
When a woman is present to being touched, she’s fully taking in his gift to her. He receives his reward by seeing his lover turned on. A woman can let him know how much she likes his touch by making pleasurable sounds and looking at him with passion in your eyes and fire in your belly.
Of course, the reverse is also true.
A man needs to learn to just receive as well. Usually a man initiates sex and is the first to start touching. Tantra says that during foreplay it’s important to take turns receiving and giving.
The shift between giving and receiving should happen not from a thought (or a fear of being selfish) but from a feeling of fullness coming from your body. Then naturally, the receiver becomes the giver.
This is just one of the many facets of dynamic sex that are often ignored and cause relationship problems in couples. I hope this tip helps you create more fulfillment and pleasure in your love life by taking time to enjoy foreplay from both the giving and and receiving ends.