Kids bring lots of joy to a couple, but they also bring enormous work and lots of responsibilities. Parents have to structure their time around their children’s needs – feeding them, keeping them clean, teaching social skills, making sure they play with friends – just to mention a few of your endless parental duties.
You both love your kids, but somehow, with your focus on taking care of them, romance takes a back seat. Before the children, you had more time for each other. You could go out to dinner, see mutual friends, go to interesting movies and discuss them; you were motivated to be sensuous and creative, and could schedule time to make love more often. With your priority shifting to the children, this takes a toll on your intimacy together. As a couple, you can feel disconnected.
The ancient science of Conscious Love, Tantra, gives wonderful advice to parents. It is simple advice, but it requires your commitment to maintaining high passion in your relationship while you are being good parents.
Tantra suggests that a good way to begin is to show each other understanding and gratefulness for all you do. For instance, men, you have the power to give your wife rejuvenation and energy, and bring back your wife into your life, not just your kid’s mom. And this can be a simple act: Tantra recommends that you massage your wife’s feet.
Why? Because a woman has to be relaxed before she can open up her sexuality. As you probably know, all energy lines that go through the whole body (meridians) end up in the feet, and can bring both relaxation and more vitality to all the organs of the body. A foot massage brings with it a sensual awakening that can be sexually exciting and open up both her heart and her yoni. So, rubbing her feet is both stimulating and relaxing.
However, Tantra reveals a secret about this situation. Women have a sixth sense about your intentions when you do anything. If you touch her with the intention of stimulating her because you want to make love, she will pick up on it, even unconsciously, and might resist because she’s tired. However, when your intention is to actually help her relax, that too will come through, and she might more willingly agree. So Tantra recommends that you come from their heart when you offer the massage, and let the sexual connection unfold naturally in the moment.
Tantra encourages couples to touch each other, and connect through hugging and kissing, or just breathing and holding each other because touch between a couple fulfills. Many people have grown up with the misconception that once you start touching each other sensuously you “have to” end in orgasm.
This belief is counterproductive and leads to dissatisfaction and mistrust.
If every time you touch sensuously you want to end up having intercourse, one partner may end up drawing back because they don’t feel like going all the way at that time. Especially for parents, who often end the day dropping exhausted into bed after tucking in the kids, the idea of a protracted love-making session may just seem like too much work. That’s the perfect chance to spend time just holding one another, renewing the deep connection of your love.
If you make the dedicated commitment to exchange this deep touch as often as you can, some nights you’ll find it progressing to hot juicy sex, and some nights you’ll fall asleep in each other’s arms, but along the way you’ll also be discovering how to have both the pleasure of parenthood and the pleasure of a great satisfying sex life.