Men, are you often frustrated because you receive contradictory messages that make it impossible to win with a woman? Do you often wonder if you will ever understand women?
Does it seem like the woman who once adored you has given up or lost interest in your sex life?
Have you ever wanted to learn just how a woman thinks?
Bob and Leslie, a couple I saw 2 months ago, came in to see me because they wanted to avoid a divorce that seemed the only way to retain their sanity. They were constantly fighting, but never coming to an uplifting resolution of their mutual frustrations. They were married for only 6 years. She was feeling isolated and non-important to him; he was feeling constantly punished by her. They were trapped in a downward spiraling loop.
They could not understand how that was happening. They were so much in love when they met! He even tattooed her name on his chest. She told her friends how much she loved him so much so that they were almost sick of listening to her.
Everyone thought they seemed like a perfect couple together, but now it seemed like that was all gone.
Back at the beginning of their relationship, they seemed to read each other’s minds and anticipate each other’s desires and fulfill them with joy. Now, Leslie avoided making love to Bob because she felt used. She was feeling he was just thinking of his pleasure and not paying attention to her mind and her body openness and readiness for love.
How could this once-amazing relationship have become so bad that they were ready to give up on it?
They never understood each other’s language. They were not aware that there is a common language that makes it possible for men and women to understand each other all the time.
John Gray depicts women and man as being from different planets… It definitely feels that way very often when you do not see beyond the rational mind. Yes, business language is definitely linear and rational, but the language of love is more complex and does not fit neatly into the square box of logic that the rational mind functions in.
This is what happened to Bo and Leslie, and to many unaware couples.
The start of your relationship is the period of ‘being in love’ during which you are carried as if by angel wings through the most mutually exciting, passionate and creative time of your life. During the ‘in love’ period communication comes easy; it comes directly from your heart and it’s easy for you to be transparent with each other.
Even men who normally are very practical and not romantic can easily express their feelings during the ‘in love’ period.
However, the magic created by nature by flooding new lovers with bonding and pleasure hormones often ends without warning.
And when that happens, men and women need to re-learn the language of love as if it’s a new language.
Once you move past that flush of new relationship energy, how we communicate changes. A man needs to understand that women do not ask for what they need and want directly. They give their men hints instead. Some hints are very subtle. It is as though they are testing their man to see if they care enough to learn their language, but in fact, women are usually not aware they do this, it is just their natural way of communicating – they are indirect where men are direct.
So, do men need to become Sherlock Holmes in order to catch those signals?
It does not seem fair, but, men, if you learn to read her signs, you can avert the storm that will come your way if your woman feels not understood. Your focused attention melts her heart. When her heart is open, her sex center expands to all the cells of her body, including the sex center, and you will both enjoy mind-blowing, passionate sex that makes love grow stronger and deeper.
If you are distracted and not being fully present when you are with her, or if you are not spending focused time with her because you’re busy with other things, she feels your absence and disinterest deep in her core. Her heart hardens, and instead of expanding outward like a blossoming flower, she pulls inward, and the flow of her joyous energy stops. Her sex center contracts – she loses her sex drive, or seems uninterested in pleasing you, or she even avoids sex completely.
Why? Feeling understood is one of the most heart opening feelings for women.
And when a woman’s heart stops opening, so does her sex center. They are connected at a primal level even she cannot control or may not be aware of. But you can be!
When you understand this important part of connecting with your woman, you will experience this apparent language difficulty as a great gift.
This is not about spending more time – it is about giving attention and presence in the time you have. Taking care to learn the mystical language of your woman will give you the enjoyment of a prolonged Honeymoon effect. Some couples experience the Honeymoon effect even after 30 years of marriage!
I will let you in on one secret. There is a language that is understood everywhere, no matter what planet you are on. It is the language of consciousness, which is equally understood by each gender.
Most men think of consciousness as being only in the head.
Working with thousands of couples over 30 years, I constantly see that consciousness comes from making an open space available in our hearts. Consciousness resides in every cell in the body, not just in the brain. It is the very essence of who we are: it is love. The love that man transmits to woman is steadily focused consciousness. She can feel your focused attention in all the cells of her body and she rewards you with multi-orgasmic expression. Your focused consciousness is the miracle that opens her heart and her sex to you.