Many people think that they are too open minded to have any shame and guilt about their sex lives, but negative emotions have learned how to hide deep in the psyche because they clash with the intellectual part of the brain. Hidden shame and/or guilt about not being perfect are still sabotaging many relationships. I’m always amazed how it is possible for these to be hiding away in our subconscious, sometimes for many years.
Modern free thinkers seldom imagine the damage that these negative belief cause. They have probably read all the books that brilliantly explain how sex is a great energy that can actually help to have harmonious relationships and even lead to enlightenment. The problem is that, the wisdom we read in books still only engages us on an intellectual level, and doesn’t penetrate down to the level of belief.
Many of us have absorbed – usually early in life – unhealthy beliefs which sabotage deep love. Unless you had the perfect upbringing, you probably have taken in limiting beliefs around sex from people you grew up with. Very few parents understand the power and spirituality of sex and do not know how to talk about it in a free educational way. As children and teenagers we are confronted with the duality: sex feels good, and yet we are directly or indirectly taught that it is bad or shameful.
Guilt can also be passed from an adult who interacts sexually with a child or teenager inappropriately. The child absorbs the feeling that there is something wrong with sex. Instead, what is wrong is the inappropriate use of sex, or sexual approach at that age from that person. But the subconscious doesn’t distinguish, and it translates that sense of wrongness from one sexual situation into a general negative reaction to sexuality itself.
Both shame and guilt disconnect us from love and make a deeply satisfying relationship impossible. The good news is that the tantric approach brings up all possible negative repressed emotions into the open, where with the help of a skilled practitioner they can be transformed into the truth of the innocence and power of appropriate sex. To enjoy sex fully, you need to connect it to love, and love is the deepest emotion.
When sex and love are disconnected your deepest needs for nurturing and sexual merging remain unfulfilled – whether you are avoiding sex or are addicted to it. And you probably know that addictions, after a very short spike of pleasure, always leave you empty and bored.
When those limiting beliefs surface and are transformed into love they are actually presenting you with a gift. They enrich you by giving back to you all the energy that was being used to keep them suppressed, under the radar of the rational, intellectual mind.
It is reassuring to know that if you clear up all the negative connotations around sex that are kept in place in the subconscious, you can experience the depth of love. You can only go as deep as you are emotionally free. When the sabotaging emotions are transformed, your energy and the intensity of your pleasure increase exponentially, and so does love.