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What is Tantra?

Tantra is such a vast subject that it’s fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student. Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.

To achieve this, Tantra offers a wide array of exercises using breathing, sounds, certain muscles, and the energy centers of the body. This clears blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness. There we transcend our everyday self-identification, and we get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond it to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

Is Tantra a religion?

No, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share. Many people find that they can incorporate the teaching of Tantra with their own religious beliefs.

How does tantric sex deepen the love between couples?

The beginning of every relationship is easy. Everything is new and exciting, and chemistry is carrying us through: We see only what is good about our lover. For some of us, however, after a couple of years when we seem to know everything about each other, and we have made love in all imaginable positions and in every room in the house, boredom starts to creep in. To avoid this we must go deeper into the realms of the emotions, the psyche, and the spirit. The tantric couple makes a commitment to keep their love fresh by scheduling time for Tantric love sessions and using Tantric techniques to play together and discover new things about each other, which makes the relationship exciting again.

Lately I’ve been having problems with getting and keeping an erection. I was used to getting fully erect as soon as I saw a desirable woman. How can Tantra help me regain my potency?

Unless you have an obvious medical problem, Tantra offers specific breathing and PC muscle exercises to help regain the potency you once had. Counseling with an experienced tantric therapist can help you trace the root of the problem with the love and compassion that Tantra generates.

This problem might also be caused by emotional or psycho-spiritual blocks that hide in your psyche. It could be old guilt, a hidden abuse issue, or an unaddressed fear…. An experienced healer has the expertise to guide you through resolving your personal issue. I am known for very exact therapy once I am face to face with you. Please contact me for personalized help.

How is it possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculating (or coming)?

Using tantric principles and certain physical techniques, a man can learn to ride the waves of orgasm like a skilled surfer. He can go down in the valley of the wave and enjoy playing more safely in a sweet and intensive romantic/spiritual space, absorbing the benefits resulting from the heightened pleasure he achieves. He buzzes with increased energy, more open and tender toward his partner and himself. All this can be done without the man losing the precious life-force contained in his semen. Then the couple can proceed to make love actively, and reach several peaks in the same love session. After having reached several peaks and experienced several body orgasms, he can choose to have an ejaculatory orgasm when he desires.

How long does it take to learn ejaculation control?

How quickly a man can learn to control his ejaculation response depends on how much he practices, and the attitude he practices with. It helps tremendously and you learn much faster when someone knowledgeable guides you through the experience. Carla is a Certified Tantra Educator teaching ejaculatory control techniques and lovemaking skills. Most men need more than one session before they can actually own the techniques that will extend their pleasure by postponing the ejaculation, but this is a skill that any man can learn.

Where is a woman’s G-spot, and how can it be stimulated?

The G-spot isn’t really a “spot,” as Dr. Grafenberg thought, but a larger area inside the vagina, located up and behind the pubic bone. This is a very sensitive area for a woman, which has great potential to give her intense pleasure. Sometimes women can eject lots of Amrita and have several body and ejaculatory orgasms. Women can develop their capacity for these amazing orgasms with exercises, and men can learn technique for proper stimulation.

The g-spot can also be a holding place for emotional pain–especially if a woman has some sexual abuse in the past, or was entered without having agreed to it, or before she was ready. Your tantric practitioner will guide you through the healing process. A woman may experience many different emotions in one session. See them all as a prelude to the pleasure, which is ready to emerge. You’ll come out of the experience feeling more open, and able to return to your lover more trusting, and ready to experience new levels of sexual pleasure and connection.

For couples, learning about the G-spot is definitely worth your time and patience. It gives both the man and the woman the opportunity to become more aware of deep feelings, and to experience how the body, the mind and the spirit all respond to the pleasure. This attitude will greatly deepen your love connection.

Why is communication so stressed in Tantra?

Many of us believe that we’re great lovers, and that we can read our partner’s mind about what he or she likes in sex. As tantric practitioners, however, we discover the nuances of pleasure that we miss when we’re only goal-oriented, so we learn what signs to look for in our partner, and we develop the ability to ask for ourselves. When we communicate fully and with great honesty, the results are wonderful. Usually our partners love giving us what we want. Giving us pleasure increases their pleasure. Asking for what we want (and receiving it) increases our trust in each other, and therefore our closeness and love.

Lately my wife/girlfriend keeps finding excuses not to have sex with me. Can Tantra help?

Sexual relations are so good at the beginning of a relationship because each partner is eager to communicate heartfelt feelings to the other. Resentments left unspoken are sure to cut off sexual desire and response. When you reinstate this spirit of fully open and honest communication, passion will return. This is the Tantra approach. In my workshops, phone coaching, and intensive private sessions, you learn techniques to handle communication in non-threatening ways, open yourself to full engagement with your partner, and how to be present even when you face criticism from your partner. You can even learn to turn arguments into opportunities to become closer. When you present yourself in an open way, your wife is likely to open up to you much more in return, and you can bring passion back to your sexual connection.

My wife/girlfriend doesn’t get turned on by the way I make love, but she won’t tell me how she wants it. What can I do?

This is a common frustration among men. They’re expected to know everything, so some men are even reluctant to ask for driving directions or any other advice, because they’d be admitting there’s something they don’t know. When a man finally does ask his partner what she wants, as you’ve done, it’s even more frustrating not to get a clear-cut and precise answer. But I’m a woman and I can understand the reason. Many women actually don’t know what they want themselves for various reasons – they have been taught to be less sexual, to feel guilty about desire, or to let men take the sexual lead. Thus they truly can’t explain what turns them on.

Tantra encourages women to practice sensuously arousing themselves and teaches them how to experiment with many different touches and strokes. Many women are surprised to discover how many different erogenous zones they have, and how to pleasure each one.

Tantra also teaches men a wide variety of techniques of touch and positions they can use – even the joy of discovering what excites their woman the most.

A couple can explore what Tantra has to offer together in workshops, or separately in private sessions or goddess-only workshops. Even when only one partner receives training, the relationship as a whole benefits from what they learn.

How can I introduce my wife/girlfriend to Tantra without her misinterpreting my motives?

The media has spread many misconceptions about Tantra, so some women equate its practice with primitive sexuality. Most men seem more interested in their sexual expression, so they go the extra mile to learn the true meaning of Tantra. Those who have studied this ancient science know that it blends spiritual concepts with sensual satisfaction, creating harmony between the partners. If women were aware that Tantra teaches much more than sexual positions, they’d be more open to learning how much it can benefit their spiritual and emotional lives. The greater emotional and spiritual intimacy that Tantric practices create between partners enhances the act of love itself. This contributes to having a more harmonious relationship, and can rejuvenate a marriage that has gone stale over the years, benefiting the entire family.

A loving husband can gently introduce his wife to the true meaning of Tantra by exposing her to factual information. There are many good books on Tantra in public libraries and new-age bookstores, including my own book Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer. Some Tantrikas offer inexpensive introductory seminars and workshops on Tantra at adult-education schools, like the Introduction to Tantra classes I offer through the Open Center and the Learning Annex. You can also contact me for information on what a beginner can learn at my private one-on-one Tantra sessions for women, for men, or for couples. Or consider beginning with a private phone session where I can coach you in the comforting surroundings of your own home.

How do I start the Tantric journey with my wife/girlfriend? Can I start by reading a book?

Reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually progress in your journey to intimacy, you need a good guide. However, some instructional books can be confusing and no matter how well written, they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

Most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new because it is taking place in each moment, responding to each other with honesty and support. But when you are starting from a place of staleness, or confusion, or even marital conflict, it is very difficult to make the leap to higher communication alone without the support of a teacher.

It is well worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment. I encourage you to contact me to discuss the best options for you and your wife to begin your Tantric journey together.

In my practice, I combine the ancient wisdom of Tantra with the insights of modern psychotherapy and my personal intuition and compassion in workshops and private sessions. It is my passion to help you reach your highest potential of passion and vitality. Contact me today!