Some people have approached me lately asking if Tantra encourages orgies.
They see great sculptures on Tantric temples depicting several people making love to each other, which I admit looks like an orgy. However it’s far from being an orgy, and is really a higher level of expression of sexual/spiritual love. I want to shed light on the issue to encourage people who might avoid Tantra, thinking that it is about orgies, to actually take a closer look at Tantra.
The safest way to practice Tantra is within a couple committed to a succulent, conscious life that has growth as its core. It takes time to nurture a relationship until one feels safe and trusting enough to consciously extend one’s love to others. Tantra counsels you should not rush into it.
While some Tantric masters might make love with many lovers, it is done so consciously and with the complete approval and comfort of all participants to heighten the energy. However, it is not an orgy.
Usually orgies are about having sex with people without connecting on a spiritual and emotional level. Or about enjoying watching someone having sex without risking doing it. Most people in orgies grab a breast or a buttock and don’t care whom it belongs to as long as it is pleasurable for them. Women are often objectified. Some of them don’t like it, and still put themselves in these situations to please their husband or lover; some of them like being objectified because of the harmful way they were treated in their first sexual encounter. For these women, orgies are a way of perpetrating that original hurt caused by lack of love. Tantra is not about objectification by any means.
Tantra is about being conscious of the person you are connecting with and asking permission to touch, or kiss, or expressing your sexuality in any other way. Tantric lovers take time to soul gaze, that is, to connect with the essence of the person they are going to make love to, opening up the whole chakra system and communicating to create safety so that the power of the excitement can be transformed into higher love. The higher the expression of passion based on safety, the higher the love and spiritual connection can go and the deeper you can enter into intimacy.
When two lovers feel very safe with each other (no fear of losing each other) then they might choose to expand that to other people they feel a connection with, always establishing first what the boundaries are, and making sure that they will be respected. If one of the participants in this poly group starts feeling uncomfortable, those feelings are taken into consideration immediately and steps taken to restore safety. Poly is short for polyamory, which means loving consciously more than one person.
Tantric polyamory encounters are usually lead by a professional who can intervene in the case of someone not respecting the boundaries. This professional, usually an experienced Tantrika, can suggest how to make the encounter safer and juicier and bring the whole energy to a higher level.
A polyamory group encounter would start with a ritual dedicating the energy to a goal that leads to more peace and enlightenment for all beings and can be a very high expression of spiritual sex.
In conclusion, orgies are about acting out lust, Tantric lovemaking is about expressing love consciously with complete respect of all the participants, and a Tantric group setting is about transmuting that sexual energy to enlighten the spirit.
There are many other myths about Tantra, and I’ll be answering them in future posts.