How would you like to feel confident as a lover?
No, I don’t mean with the little blue pill. I mean as a full person including your mind and spirit, as well as your sex organs.
It’s widely understood that confidence is a major key ingredient to success and fulfillment in all areas of life. You certainly have noticed that people who are confident enjoy a more fulfilling life in general.
When you lack confidence, you tend to focus on what you’re not good at, on what is not working. What you must realize it that it is definitely self-destructive to constantly remind yourself of what you cannot do. The more you think of it, the worse it gets. Negative thinking starts a downward spiraling trend that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What happens in your sex life is no different.
The law of attraction clearly shows that you will attract what you focus on. It’s just as certain that when you let go of an object, the object falls on the floor–when you think a thought, you also attracts the vibrations that match that thought.
Tantric wisdom adds that you not only attract the focus of your thought into your life, but also what you concentrate on expands as it receives your thought and attention. Therefore, if you concentrate of what you do well, you can transfer your successful approach, such as slowness and intensity of focus to other areas of your life.
For example, perhaps you are a good kisser because you embrace slowness and intensity of focus: you wait to magnetically attract your partner to want to reciprocate–then you sensuously wet your lips and just gently touch lips, breathing and looking into each other’s eyes with desire.
You can easily transfer these qualities to other areas of your lovemaking. So, if you continue to focus on how to improve kissing, this will also make you an overall better lover.
Tantra encourages you change the downward spiral to a rising spiral.
If you pay attention you will notice that your body contracts with criticism. When you are contracted, you greatly reduce the flow of giving and receiving love. As soon as you notice it, immediately accept that you are causing the contraction with your judgment, and gently decide to let go of that negative thought.
Then, start doing something you feel confident about, for instance caressing your lover’s face. Spread that feeling of success to all the areas of your body with your breath.
Notice how the intention of changing your thoughts from negative to positive has opened up the tight spots in your body. Take a moment to rejoice in your ability to change your attitude from “I don’t know what I’m doing” to “I love the process of becoming an outstanding lover.”
At this point you will notice your tension has completely melted. This is the moment when you can change your approach, and try something new with great success.
Anytime a doubt comes in, you must choose to let it go. Do not engage in it. Do not agree or disagree and argue: just let it go. Take a breath and charge it with a feeling of self-love. As you repeat this process, you will be building a growing charge of positive energy to infuse your whole self inside and outside the bedroom.
What is the main obstacle to your self-esteem as lover?